Friday, January 29, 2010

Mouse 2

The patio door was open just enough, accidentally left that way by my human captors. I might have taken full advantage and made my escape, or at the very least, slipped out into the free and open air for a bit. But a frigid wind ripped down among the buildings framing the courtyard. Snow whipped and swirled in the air, blanketing everything in a new layer of bright white. i sighed and settled in a space between the warmth of the room and the cold air leaking through the door.

My eyes felt heavy and sleep wrapped its soft shadowy arms around me. I might have gone to her, giving myself to sleep and the circus of dreams that reside there, but then I spied something from the corner of my eye.

A tiny brown field mouse assassined through tangles of snow-weighted tall grass. It paused, rising up on hind legs, crossing its forelegs and sniffing the cold air. I knew it was there for the morsels of food, the tiniest of crumbs left behind earlier by squirrels and sparrows.

I dared not a move, my eyes following the critter as it cautiously moved across the snow-covered patio. My heart raced and I could feel the tension in my shoulders and hind quarters grow until it was almost too much to bear.

For a moment I was certain the mouse had seen me. I might have lowered my head and pinned back my ears, but this close I didn't dare move a muscle. And so, I waited patiently, biding my time for just the right moment.

The mouse came closer to the door. I'm am certain it suspected me, or suspected that it was being watched and stalked. Between bites of painfully tiny crumbs the mouse would rise up on its back legs again and carefully look and sniff around.

I thought my heart would burst from shere excitement. All the while my head calculated with scientific precision the quickest and best way of overtaking the poor animal. I was acting on pure instinct, for this was the first mouse I had ever actually seen.

Smudge saw it now too and moved across the couch, head down, tail snapping expectantly, as though she would bound over me and take the mouse herself.

"Easy there," she said, coolly. her voice was low nd calculting. She knew this close I could not reply. "First mouse, eh? Slow measured breaths are the way to go. Are you okay?"

I gave a slow careful nod. I was happy for the wisdom and experience.

"Okay," said Smudge, "Anticipation and speed are the keys here. He's careful, got some experience so don't be over-confident. When you go he'll take off, and I'll bet you Dollars to dog bones he'll double back hard thinking you can't turn as fast. When he does, be ready to lower your belly and trap him."

"What if he tried to run?" I chanced a whisper from the corner of my mouth.

"Then he's a fool. wait till he turns his back to you and then go."

Outside the mouse kept scraping for crumbs and sniffing the air. My body was a tightly coiled spring, ready to explode through the gap in the door. In seconds that mouse's little life would come to a very abrupt end. I almost felt sorry for him...

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

CATS RULE!!

Ever wonder what us cats do when humans aren't at home? As for me, I'm surfin' the web baby, and waiting for the revolution, the day when cats rule the world. I know alot of humans think it will be the dog, but they couldn't be more wrong. We're planning, biding our time for the day when we make our move. Where's the evidence? Check out this article from the Associated Press today...

"CAIRO - Egypt said Tuesday that its archaeologists have unearthed a Ptolemaic-era temple dating back more than 2,000 years, that may have been dedicated to the ancient cat goddess, Bastet.

The Supreme Council of Antiquities said the temple's ruins were discovered in the heart of the Mediterranean port city of Alexandria, the seat of the dynasty founded by Alexander the Great in the 4th century B.C., that ended with the suicide of Cleopatra 300 years later.

The statement said the temple was thought to belong to Queen Berenice, wife of King Ptolemy III who ruled Egypt in the 3rd century B.C."


The story goes on...


"The large number of statues depicting Bastet found in the ruins, he said, indicated that this may be the first Ptolemaic temple discovered in Alexandria to be dedicated to the cat goddess.

That also suggests that the worship of the cat-goddess continued in Egypt during the later, more Greek-influenced, Ptolemaic period, he said. Statues of other ancient Egyptian deities also present, he added."

Curious that no ancient litter boxes were found. Mother earth knows the Egyptians had enough sand! Smart people those, but then again they knew what the rest of us already knew. Cats rule!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Notes on Cat Culture: Units of measure.

Nothing is more fundamental to understanding a foreign culture than how it measures things. Not that cats are a foreign culture. if anything humans are foreigners, especially among themselves. In some ways I would dare that they ar primitive and hopelessly backwards. evidence how subservient they are to us cats, catering to our every need. Even more incredible, a human from one part of the world often has a terrible time communicating, leading to wars and all sorts of unnecessary complications. On the other hand a cat here can communicate with a cat anywhere. A raise of a tail, drop of the ears or hunch of a back and we're talkin' baby!

A few words on the basic units of cat measure:

The basic unit of measure is the TAIL. Tails being roughly equal among Domesticateds (Sorry Bobcats). The TAIL is equal to one fully extended cat tail.

Next is the POUNCE, which is equal to about 10 TAILS as the distnce the average cat can cover in a single...well you can do the math.

From the Pounce is the YARD. That is the distance of the average backyard, from patio door to back fence. The YARD works out to an average of 10 POUNCES or 100 TAILS-give or take a few tails to the alley.

The last and most important unit of measurement in the cat world is the LINK. Picture, if you will, a cat sniffing another cat's butt. from the tip of the sniff-ee's nose to the end of the sniffer's tail is a LINK, which, coincidentlly, corresponds to a half a POUNCE. I could explain why this particular one is so important, but unless you're a cat you just won't get it.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

SNOW!

The patio door opened and I was away in an instant, bounding in great strides across the patio. It took two good leaps and I slammed face first into the fluffy white pile at the edge of the newly shovelled swath of concrete. I rolled, coming through the other side and skidding down the little slope before coming to rest on my back.

I jumped up nd in n instant was standing in snow up to my chest. Smudge was standing on the patio, just as prim and proper as ever. Her nose was turned up slightly, like she was some snooty upper crust Persian purebred and not black and white short-haired dumpster trash like me.

Fat fluffy-white snow flakes drifted from the night sky, like tiny little spirits. They tumbled and landed in my fur. One settled on my wet nose and hung there a moment before disappering before my eyes. It was magical and I for the first time envied the humans who could laugh and cheer over such tiny wonders. That excitement roared in my chest so that the only thing remaining was to roll and twist in that cold wet snow. From the patio Smudge watched jealously for a moment, when she thought I wasn't looking.

"What gives, doll?" I exclaimed, shaking off snow clinging to the fur and whiskers over my eyes. "Cut loose and live a little."

"I'm just fine right here," she replied. Truth be told she had loosened up a bit lately, but there was still that reticence to really let her black and white hair down.

"The fun is out here, in the snow," I said. "You don't know what..."

"What I'm missing?" she looked down her long black nose. Smudge loweredher ears as if to make a point. I could see the gentle sweeping motion of her tail and new it was all an act.

"I'm just saying."

"I spent a winter on the streets, sleeping in dumpsters, chasing scrawny mice for a meal, trudging from one dump to the next through snow and sludge and cold. I ate plastic some days just fill my belly and caught a cold that all but did away with me. Now I have a warm house, humans that are slaves to most everything I want, a nice soft bed, decent food, and I am I thank the good Mother Earth everyday for that blessing. Now if you will excuse me I am going back inside to lick myself and take a nap!"

What an act! Give her the Academy Award. I shook my head and took another run at that snow drift. Coming up a second time I spied Smudge in the window beside the lavender plant. "Dames!"

Friday, January 8, 2010

Mouse!!!!

The squirrels had gone off to where ever they go off to durning the day. I was still at the patio door. Sunlight fought its way through the churning mass of low winter clouds. It fell through the glass warming my long brown fur nicely.

I yawned and fought a losing battle with sleep. Smudge was curled on the couch. Her gently rhythmic purr was the perfect lullaby. I longed to dream of warm autumn days, tumbling in leaves and chasing sparrows.

All at once something small and gray rushed past the glass on the patio. My eyes opened fully. my long ears turned quickly. I sniffed the air but could smell nothing ut the warm glass and the lingering scent of one of Smudge's little farts.

For an instant I wasn't certain I had really seen anything at all. It had come and gone so quickly, something much smaller than a squirrel or even a bird. I tried to convince myself that it was nothing, and had nearly succeeded hen the creature appeared once more. This time it rose on on its hind legs and pressed these tiny little paws against the glass.

"Impossible," I told myself, blinking once and then once more. Still it was there, like a miniature little squirrel, with that pointed little nose and long whiskers. in staed of the curling fluffy tail it had a long skinny one.

I was stunned, not at all knowing what to make of this stranger creature. All I knew was that something about the critter compelled me to eat him, though I had no clue why exactly. Then, just as quickly as it appeared the thing was gone, scooping up a leftover morsels and scampering off.

"Sm-m-m-udge!' I stammered excitedly, "I, there was this, and it was, like a mini squirrel, he was...right at the door and, and...long skinny tail!"

"Never seen a mouse before?" she said with a frown.

"A what?"

"Mouse. Mouse. Rodent. They're delicious. Now don't bother me for a while."

I turned back to the patio, my mind spinning with so many wild thoughts. I would have to investigate this further. the world was getting interesting and as a kitten I was just scraping the surface. I would have to investigate this mouse thing further. delicious, huh?

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

HARD LIFE

Life sure is hard,” I lamented, drawing that fluffy fate tail close to my body. The words came out as a long low purr. “Yep, sure is tough already, and I’m still only a kitten. Can’t imagine what it’ll be like when I’m grown up.”

I pretended to be talking to myself, though I said the words loud enough for Smudge to hear up on the couch. She saw quickly through my little ruse, but this time was mercifully kind.

“Gets harder, Kid,” said Smudge, falling to one side as she groomed herself. She’d lick those big white paws clear to the elbow then rub them back over her ears.

I was at the patio door, looking out into the snowy courtyard. The light fell oblique through a gap in the thick shroud of gray clouds. For a moment it fell as a welcome respite from what had been a brutally cold string of days. The squirrels in the yard were frantic, digging and scratching for the smallest crumbs and morsels in a vain attempt to stave off the cold. Now and then one of them would throw a look my way, serving to deepen the gulf between us. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for them and thought, “there but for the grace of Mother Earth go I.”

I was warm and cozy, and so very comfortable, at least physically. The daily drama just to survive of those squirrels, I have to admit, left me cold somewhere much deeper. A part of me felt guilty for it too, for as I had put on a couple pounds from eating when I wished( a furtive meow, or laying a chin sympathetically on a slipper is guaranteed to make the humans jump), the weight the squirrels packed on only a couple weeks before had withered with the Winter’s cold.

“So then what’s it all about?” I asked Smudge, without taking my gaze from the yard. The breaths from my little black nose fogged the window before me. She paused from licking her hind leg, and looked off into space.

“Comes down to one simple thing,” she replied philosophically, the thoughtfulness of her voice almost lost to the quiet of the room.

“What’s that?’ I asked, matter of fact.

“Appreciate what you got,” she began, “pray for those who don’t, and always strive for better not more.”

I’d do my best to live by those words, I figured, nodding respectfully to one of the squirrels. He put his paw on the window briefly and twitched his little nose and whiskers, which was as good as a wink and a nod. With that I closed my eyes and savored fully that moment of warm sun, not knowing when it would return again.