POISONED!

DAY 71. Don’t mean to complain. I mean, things were going pretty good with the humans. Then, last week, out of the blue, they tried to kill Smudge and me. Think I’m exaggerating? Let me tell you the story. You ain’t gonna believe this one.

Things were going along just fine for a while. I mean me and the humans seemed to be getting along just fine. Still the mystery of that other cat, and Smudge is still, well, a pain, but I seemed to be making progress on the people front. Sometimes its easier to go along to get along, that is while you scheme and plot your freedom quietly and with a smile. Right?

I’ve had my say about this hard food stuff they were serving me. Truth is, helps keep my teeth sharp and ready for my eventual escape. Dangerous world out there, my friends, filled with Squirrel gangs, hawks that can dive bomb and scoop up an unsuspecting cat. So I could deal with the hard stuff.

Then they started feeding us Friskies in the can. You know the chunks and savory shreds and stuff like that. It is edible. I’ll pass on the so-called pate’ that comes slithering out of the can in one disgusting chunk. Personally, I don’t trust any food shaped like the container it comes in! Now and then we’d get this Fancy feast stuff. Delicious! Things were looking up, and I began to rethink this whole human thing. Kind of nice having your own personal slaves. But then something happened. It was like the slaves were in revolt, opening plotting against Smudge and I, in the most insidious way.

It’s this Friskies Select Indoors crud. I don’t know if they’re dumb or just being cruel. Like I said, been working on my human to gather intel on my slave/captors. On the label it read:

CHUNKY CHICKEN AND TURKEY CASSEROLE WITH BROWN RICE ANDGARDEN GREENS

Are you kidding me? Garden greens? Are they trying to poison me? I’m a cat, for mother earth’s sake! I don’t eat garden greens and brown rice. Do I look like a flea-flickin’ dog? Cats eat birds and mice and fish. Give me meat, meat, MEAT! So I got my eye on the humans. They seemed to get the message. Even Smudge wouldn’t eat the stuff, but then she seems content here. We both began a sympathetic hunger strike and dragged ourselves around the house like we were about to beathe our last. I can still recall their disappointment as they threw out those nasty cans of Select Indoors, which tasted more like Select In-sewers. But that first taste of fancy Feast later that day was worth the fight. Score one for cats!