ON SPEAKING HUMAN

Started picking up some of their odd language. It’s as much a matter of getting by and getting along, as it is a means of gathering intelligence. Made a break for it the other night. As soon as the male human opened the patio door I bolted for freedom. I was half way down the alley when he chased me down, pulled ahead and cut me off. It was at that moment I realized, I had no real plan and no place to go! I think I learned a couple new human words I can’t repeat in proper company.

Interesting little quirk of humans seems to be their habit of naming everything. They call me Oliver. At the shelter I was called Boris. There were maybe twenty other cats at the shelter, and a dozen or so dogs. Knew ‘em all by sniff. Since the humans control the food and the water, and since innocently digging in a houseplant, playfully hanging from a curtain, or needing to stretch my claws on the soft side of the antique loveseat can bring a swat to the tail, be st that I respond to “Oliver.”

“Outside,” for instance, I believe is the human word for freedom. “Oliver, whanntago-outside,” appears to mean, “Oliver, would you like to be free?” They obviously have an odd idea about freedom. Half way across the yard and I’m getting blasted by a squirt gun, or they change their mind after a short time and drag me back inside.

The oddest phrase is, and mind you, I’m still working on this one, “whoowhannzsumm food?” Bit of a misnomer, this. We obviously have vastly different ideas about food. Nearest I can figure, this phrase translates loosely into, “I will feed you pre-formed cold gruel from a small can.” How about a nice fresh fish for a change, a bony little mouse, or even a hummingbird for a change? Now that's what I call a meal!

There is one word I’ve come to actually appreciate. Not sure entirely what it means. All I know is that it is accompanied by a warm hug, a gentle kiss to the head or a scratch of the belly. The humans use it with one another as well, cuddling on the couch, watching television in the dark, or returning home looking exhausted from where ever it is they go during the day. Just last night, sitting at the end of the bed I watched them kiss gently before turning off the light. It is the simplest of words but seems to say so much more than any other human word I’ve hear to date: Love